[accidentally makes eye contact with someone] Oh my God, I am so sorry. Are you OK?

A buddy gave me some of his pee in a jar so I could pass a drug screen. I failed, which is weird, cause I drank ALL of it.

The classiest knock knock joke in existence [Fixed] Two guys walk into a bar

Arabs are so rich….. They lit whole fkin hotel on fire to celebrate new year

I’ve been developing a photographic memory.

*goes to Australia *sees hot girl *asks if she wants to be my first mate *winks forever *gets punched down under

What do you call a black man in a suit The accused

I’ve come into a lot of money lately… It’s a fetish I never knew I had until now.

How many Grateful Dead fans does it take to screw in a lightbulb? None, they just wait for it to burn out and follow it around the country for 20 years.

What did the man at the gay bar say as another gentleman was leaving? Please allow me to push in your stool.