How can you tell if a parrot is intelligent? It speaks in Polly-syllables!

What do old cars and dead chickens have in common? You’ll usually get more money for them if you sell them for parts

Opportunity knocks once, however temptation likes to lean on the door bell.

Don’t mean to brag but I can turn a pair of fat pants into skinny jeans in like 3.5 months

Fantasy: We run in slow motion toward each other across an open field. Her side is mined.

What do you call a panther and a ghost combined?

Few things look as optimistic as a dog butt trotting off into the distance

Only Pools And Corpses A new sitcom starring Michael Barrymore and Demi Moore.

What does Hodor start off his day with? Raisin’ Bran.

I have diarrhea and constipation at the same time… basically, I cant shit… A LOT!