What’s the difference between a strawberry and a pencil? One’s a fruit, you idiot.

If we took Korea’s capital away … They would be Seoulless

What’s the problem with auto-erotic asphyxia? You don’t know if you’re coming or going

15 + 18 = 10

I still enjoy sex at 40 I live at 44, so it’s no distance.

*being wrestled away from mall santa by security* u hav TWO WEEKS until deadline and ur out here doing PHOTO OPS?! WHOS DOINGE THE REAL WORK

Doctor: ‘Your recovery was a miracle!’ Patient: ‘PRAISE GOD. Now I don’t have to pay you!’

The person who discovered electricity… Must have been quite shocked!

My favorite form of lying to myself is choosing a deodorant scent that contains the words ‘active’ or ‘sport’ in it’s name.

Two parallel lines match on tinder But they never meet.