Made this up a few years ago listening to NPR What do you call music about climate change? An Al Gore-rhythm

What’s green and has four wheels? A turtle. I was lying about the wheels

I often say…… I often say to myself. “I cant believe that cloning machine worked”

No lie: When the plane landed I had 9 texts and my 13yr old had 343.

Did you hear about the Indian who drank too much tea? He drowned in his teepee. -My Uber Driver

What is the difference between a well dressed man on a bicycle and a poorly dressed clown on a tricycle? Attire

Virgin mobile employee asked when imma pay the bill and I said “I’ll pay when Lebron’s hairline stops receding.” I got sent to collections.

I am voting for Donald Trump because he will personally end racism in America… Racism can’t exist if everybody’s white.

I don’t think I could be a mom. Listening to another person cry all night just seems awful & I wouldn’t want to impose that on a baby.

What do you call a dog with two vaginas? Snatches