I’m at my most spiderman when using a public restroom

I listened to my friend and bought an air filtration unit now it’s just collecting dust in my basement.

Why did the monkey fall out of the tree? Heart failure

What happen if a bomb blasts in a bra or a man’s underwear?

If my kids knew there was a light in the oven, they’d leave that one on too.

yo mama so stupid..she sits on the t.v and watches the couch

Why did the grocery delivery guy get fired? He drove people bananas!

A slightly drunk woman. A slightly drunk woman watches tv and yells “Don’t go there! Don’t go to the church you dumb bitch!” Her husband asks “What are you watching?…”Our wedding video”.

Why did the farmer make a high-pitched gasp? Because he was tired of the sigh-low.

Hi..You’ve reached my voicemail. I could come to the phone right now but I saw your name on caller ID so leave a message..or not.