Why do most men die before their wives? Because they want to

Turns out, telemarketers don’t like it when 5 year olds answer the phone and tell them princess Ariel stories.

If your rice accidentally gets wet, you can dry it out overnight by placing it in a bowl of cellphones.

Happy New Year! Welcome to 20!

What do you get when you cross pasta with a snake? Spaghetti that winds itself around your fork.

Black Jesus. Went to jail for you

Who went into a witche’s den and came out alive ? The witch !

*throws back out* Back: Let me back in baby, I can change.

Yo’ momma so fat … … I pictured her in my head, and bitch broke my neck.

Sunday is an attractive person at the bar who turns out to be religious