I was diagnosed with Alzheimer’s seven years ago But it feels like it was just yesterday

What’s the difference between snow men and snow women? Snow balls.

What is the most painful way to be measured In megahertz

Why can’t meteorologists forecast the weather? -They are too busy studying comets and meteors

Do people who go to the gym to “feel the burn” know nothing of Mexican food?

What does a frying pan and anal sex have in common? They both brown your meat.

Masturbation is like procasination In the end you’re just fucking yourself

What is it called when foreign girls spread their legs? I call it the British open.

Damn girl, are you a math book? Girl:No, why? Because you’ve got so many problems.

*brings knife to gunfight* *knife used to cut pizza* *pizza served & differences resolved* *last slice up for grabs & gunfight ensues*