There’s nothing more disturbing than the 1st time you hear someone you know using their “whooo’s a good dog” voice.

Tasted the best Borscht ever! It’ll be hard to beet.

I’m really glad they named a park bench after my uncle in memorial. It fits, he was great at having homeless ppl sleep on top of him

Compare to what Luke and Anakin had lost, Leia is considered lucky At least she still has the D

Two married man talking.. 1st man: Im so lucky, my wife is an angel. 2nd man: Good for you! Mine’s still alive.

Two married man talking.. 1st man: Im so lucky, my wife is an angel. 2nd man: Good for you! Mine’s still alive.

Me: But babe, my doctor said I can’t have sex after giving birth. Babe: She’s 11..

A crowd of theater fanatics walk into a bar. They go to the bartender and say, “One round please.” “A round of what?” The bartender asks. “A round of *applause*!” They all scream in unison.

I just ran a .003048K

I repeatedly slapped my girlfriend as hard as I could at the concert last night. I was clapping for the band.