What is it called when a politician craps his pants in a Honda? Civic doody.

Do I just call you or should we resolve this quickly with 200 text messages?

Trying to think of a funny Good Friday joke, I really want to NAIL it.

I had sex with a prostitute last night… It turned out to be a rash decision.

To the person that stole my copy of Microsoft Office… I will find you. You have my Word.

A Man was Fishing in the Jungle After a while another angler came to join him. “Have you had any bites?” asked the second man. “Yes, lots,” replied the first one, “but they were all mosquitoes.”

What is the difference between Saint Patrick’s Day and Martin Luther King Day? On Saint Patrick’s Day everybody wants to be Irish.

“This is BULLSHIT” – enthusiastic manure salesman

If you take the word “spatula” out of the dictionary it’s just a list of things that aren’t spatulas.

What do you call a cow that plays the guitar? A Moosician!