What did the Leper say to the hooker? Keep the tip.

Women that date guys with bad grammar are the goodest.

Asked the librarian for a book on the female G Spot. He couldn’t find it.

Boyfriend: You know you can….. Boyfriend: You know you can be a real bitch. Girlfriend: I have been called worse. Boyfriend: Like what? Girlfriend: Your girlfriend!

Whats the easiest way to annoy someone?

I’ve spent about 6 years of my life waiting for roommates to leave so I don’t have to say hi to them when I come out of my bedroom

two Penguins Two penguins went to the bakery and asked for bread. The baker asked: do you want white or brown bread. then te penguins replied: it doesnt matter because we came on our scooter.

One day we will look back at the criminalization of marijuana and laugh because we will be so high.

*forgets to talk to friends for 4 weeks*

What do you call cake that isn’t yours? Stollen