Why can’t Bach play the piano? He “Baroque” his arm, and also he’s dead.

Autocorrect changed honey to homey. Now, instead of going out to a romantic dinner we will be doing a drive-by.

Me: Who will I share the sunset with now?! *sobs* Friend: Bad breakup? Me: No. *wipes tears* My Instagram isn’t working.

No, please continue to talk loudly on the phone, smoke & spit next to my table. No problem! I’m just going to follow you home and kill you.

TIFU by asking my wife what is the difference between a penis and a paycheck? She said “there is a possibility of increase in size of your paycheck.”

My daughter has reached that age… My daughter has reached that age where she is asking embarrassing questions about sex. Just this morning she asked, “Is that the best you can do?”

Guy walks into a bar… A guy walks into a bar and drunkenly yells at the bartender, “I fucked your mother!!”. The bartender says, “Dad, go home”.

2 Packets of Crisps were walking down the street. A man in a van pulls up beside them and go ” Would you guys like a lift?” The Crisps replied ” No Thanks we’re **walkers**”

4 worst drivers Women Asians Old people And the combination of the 3

I’m training for a marathon with my friend. Every day when we hit the trails he tells me the same thing, and it always makes me laugh. It’s a running joke.