I wish the GPS lady would periodically say things like “Doin’ great” or “Still going the right way, good job.”

Thousands of married racists are waking up this morning and questioning the skin color of their spouse.

My husband and I are fighting. There’s about a 50 50 chance he knows.

What’s a horny pirate’s worst nightmare? A sunken chest with no booty!

What’s the difference between karate and judo? Karate is a method of self defense and judo is what bagels are made of.

Tom hanks probably fucked that volleyball

Q: Did you hear about the imaginary tree? A: It was mapleleaf.

What’s a horny pirate’s worst nightmare? A sunken chest with no booty.

What swims slightly faster than a shark? The Little Mermaid on her period.

Fero’s Law states that if your hands can be wet before you’re introduced to someone, they will be.