What do you call a Kansas cover band composed of physicists? Baryon my wayward son!

What do you call Christopher Reeve before the accident? Christopher Walken.

People who still say ‘YOLO’ only deserve to live once anyway.

Dear High School Reunions, You are now obsolete. Please contact facebook with any questions.

To whom was Shia LaBeouf chanting “*He will not divide us*” after he got arrested yesterday? His buttcheeks.

What do you call a lamington that weighs a lot? A lamingTON!

When someone yells “STOP!” I never know if it’s Hammertime or if I should collaborate and listen.

I was going to make a joke about sodium but then I thought Na.

How many Africans does it take to change a lightbulb? Five, one to change it, and four to dance around for no fucking reason.

A cat is the animal equivalent of the girl who hated you for no reason in high school.