My friend can’t afford to pay his water bill anymore… …so I sent him a card, “Get well soon.”

Sorry your dad died. Here’s a card with a waterfall on it

How dumb do you have to be to fly right into my fucking face? This is why we shouldn’t allow bees to text.

So I asked my grandma I asked my grandma if she had ever tried 69. She said, “No, but I have done 53 — that’s all the sailors I could screw in one night.”

Why can’t women play sports They can’t wear the same clothes as 11 other women

French People and France When god created France it was beautiful, and great. The rest of the world was so jeaulous…so to make it equal god created French People.

What do you call 5 black people having sex? A threesome.

Did you hear about the baby with the gigantic, record-setting head? The mother called it a crowning achievement.

A Muslim walks into a bar BANG (bomb explodes)

When you’ve got a bladder infection… Urine trouble.