What do you call two nuns playing a bongo? A conundrum.

Why did God create the orgasm? So women can moan even when they’re happy.

Clark Kent “I have a confession” Lois Lane “what is it?” *Clark removes his glasses* Lois “Is it a bird?” Clark “WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU”

Him: Get on my level. Me: You’re a gamer? Him: …. Me: …. Him: You need to get out more. Me: *mumbles* Your face needs to get out more.

Gay used to mean happy, then it meant homosexual, then it meant kind of lame, now it’s just gay.

Someone told me flowers had sex organs… ….what a load of Poppycock!

Q: What is the definition of a major seventh? A: A violist playing octaves.

Interviewer: We offer great benefits. Me: Can I take my two weeks vacation before I start?

[OC] I went to prison for identity theft. Good news is I’m cell mates with a famous musician, bad news is I’m now Rick James’ bitch

When Chipotle says, “Guacamole is $1.50 extra, is that ok?” I pause, then say, “Hang on, let me call my financial advisor.”