My friend woke up this morning in fits of laughter. I think he must have slept funny.

Yo mama so skinny she hula hoops with a cheerio

Two prostitutes are talking about their clients… One of them says “So yesterday I had this client who had a dick like my leg!”, the other replies “Impossible – no man has a dick that’s that dirty”.

Hagrid is so fat The Sorting Hat put him in the Waffle House

Why is 6 afraid of 7? Because 7 is a six offender.

What gave the blonde a stomach ache? Nivea milk.

Werner Heisenberg’s epitaph: Here lies Heisenberg. ^^^?

Help us choose a new name for our nonprofit. We’re teenagers in China and Japan helping senior citizens. Apparently ‘Youth in Asia for the Elderly’ isn’t having the effect we thought it would.

If a murderous killing machine came back from the future.. And calculated all matrices. Would he be the Determinator?

BREAKING NEWS: Sad story, Justin Bieber’s body has been found ALIVE in his NYC apartment. A moment of silence please for The Music Industry.