What’s worse than finding a baby in a trashcan? Finding a baby in two trashcans.

Why there are so many avenues in France? Because german soldiers like to march in the shade

True Story: A guy at the supermarket walked up to me today and asked me if I was on twitter. I said no. If you’re reading this, I lied.

Just once I’d like to meet a person whose job is to make captchas so I can slap him in the face for making my life difficult.

For me, the hardest part of the driving test was escaping before the car filled with ocean water.

Our school should start a calculus club We would all derive fun from it

Where’s the ‘Alpha male’ bint putting out a video that becomes famous for the line “LEAVE JEREMY (Clarkson) ALONE!”?… In written form on every comment thread of every relative social media post.

How to you tell the difference between an elephant and a mouse ? Try picking them up !

What’s the difference between jam and marmalade? I can’t marmalade my cock in someones ass.

No matter how much you push the envelope… …it’s still stationery.