How did Moses make his coffee? Hebrewed it.

Waiter: “I’m afraid your credit card has been declined.” Me: “Try this one.” W: “This is a blood donor card.” M: “Take as much as you need.”

The way your stick figures take up your whole back window tells me you need a bigger car and a class on condoms.

Bruce Springsteen isn’t very good at math I don’t think anyone’s heard him count past the number 4 in years.

How many hipsters does it take to change a lightbulb? It’s a pretty obscure number, you probably never heard of it.

A sandwich walks into a bar… The barman says ”Sorry we don’t serve food in here”

What’s the difference between a PhD in math and a large pizza? A large pizza can feed a family of four

4 in 3 people have syphilis. Look to your left. Look to your right. One of you has syphilis twice.

tip of the day – dont swollow ur spit for like 20 minuts and then u will have a warm drink

What was the name of the time traveler with good timing? Justin Time.