A fighter plane mechanic goes to the doctor for his impotence. The doctor examines him and then writes a brief diagnosis. “Could not reproduce”

[first date] Me: so what do you do Date: i’m a veterinarian Me: thank you for your service Date: veterinarian not veteran Me: ok but still

*stealthily lowers myself from the ceiling into co-worker’s office *sprays breath freshener into his mouth before the meeting *retracts

After witnessing the second coming of Jesus. My life has changed. I have decided not to watch Mexican Porn again.

What do you call a chinese millionaire? Cha-Ching!

How would Saitama defeat all S class heroes? Consecutive normal punches

According to MyFitnessPal, I have been dead for 6 weeks.

Old Mother Hubbard.. Old Mother Hubbard, went to the cupboard. To Fetch Poor Rover a Bone. When she bent over, rover took over. And gave her a bone of his own!

Enjoy A son ask his Father “What does a vagina look like”? The dad said “Like a beautiful rose”. He continued to say “and after sex, it looks like a bulldog eating mayonnaise”.

Swimming is good for you. Especially if you are drowning.