How do Mexicans cut their pizza? Little caesars.

I would have won the Junior Olympics too… ..if it weren’t for you medalling kids.

How does a black woman know she’s pregnant? When she takes the tampon out the cotton is picked.

What is the best cure for a headache? DECAPITATION!!!

want to go to a pet store and pet the guinea pigs. let me see those baked potatos stat. i want to hear the noise they make

What’s the difference between redditors and eggs? Eggs get laid.

I’ve installed some complaining-powered lightbulbs in my bedroom They occasionally turn off, but never for more than 5 seconds

A man gave me 79 protons Thanks for the gold!

Q: How do you drown a blonde? A: When he asks for a lifesaver ask him what flavor he wants.

“Is that your dog?” “No, actually she’s adopted… we were unable to conceive a dog naturally ourselves”