Why did linkin park wrap themselves up in plastic wrap before they jumped off a cliff? So in the end they didn’t even splatter.

I just crashed into the back of a dwarf driver…. He gets out of the car inspects the rear bumper and goes up my window. “I’m not happy” he said “well which one are you then?”

* drinks 6 pack of muscle milk * * checks for abs *

Manager: Twenty teams in the league and you lot finish bottom? Captain: Well it could have been worse. Manager: How? Captain: There could have been more teams in the league!

The best cure for male pattern baldness is a six-figure income.

Started a karate club for people who don’t know karate we just do moves we see in movies lemme know if you’re interested old ppl are welcome

Putting Your exam results on the window of your car So you can park in disabled spots.

Hey guy that puts the stickers on tomatoes, nobody likes you.

What did the Mexican name his two dicks? Jose and Hose B

“Do these horizontal stripes make my country look fat?” ~ American Flag