They say celebrities die in threes… Ed McMahon, Farrah Fawcett, Michael Jackson. Leave it to Billy Mays to throw in the fourth for free.

I want to open a sandwich shop in the new Islamic State it will be called the infideli

Justin Bieber’s to be the new face of Calvin Klein. Awful news given he does such a terrible job of being the current face of Justin Bieber.

Jesus is all like eat my body, drink my blood and I’m all like dude, I only like you as a friend.

Half the time, I don’t know if I’m in /r/jokes or /r/shower thoughts.

I just came up with the BEST joke for Trump Trump is like gold. Incredibly dense, but somehow worth something.

My close friend lost much of his life savings due to his Galaxy S5 Fingerprint Scanner being hacked and when he told me the story it brought me to tears. I guess you could say it was pretty touching.

I got pretty cool moves while dancing… But they say, so do people with parkinsons.

How many dead babies does it take to paint a wall? Depends how hard you throw them.

Found $12 bucks today! Well, it was in my daughters purse, but I figure she owes me at least $50,000 by now.