A foolproof way to get a woman’s phone number is to hit her car.

Why do Stormtroopers never laugh? Because they always miss the joke

I’ve been standing in IKEA with a lamp shade on my head for 3 days, hiding from the cops.

What do you call a Mexican midget? A paragraph, cause they’re to short to be an essay!!!

You want people to leave you alone? Carry a clip board and try to make eye contact.

I accidentally flogged another dominatrix’s client. Oops, wrong sub.

A Chess Shop A man walks into a chess shop, and going over to the small asian manager, he asks if he can purchase a piece. The manager says, “Oh sure. Take a rook.”

How do you call a Jew teenager? Jewenile

Heard this one in a film you all might have seen A man is talking to his son and says, “You know, son, if you don’t stop masturbating, you’re going to go blind.” The son says, “Dad, I’m over here.”

If you walk into the bathroom an American and walk out an American, what are you in the bathroom? European.