No matter how many times I see it, I never tire of an Italian woman yelling at a guy named Anthony in public.

A heartwarming conversation between a son and his father. Son: Dad do you remember your first blowjob? Dad: Ohhh yeah I do! Son: How did it taste? Dad: Get out.

Who likes a good baseball joke? How can you tell if a catcher has the shits? The pitcher got some on his balls. ;p

I’ve been reading a book about anti gravity I just can’t put it down!

[baby sitting] “Hey, yeah it’s me. No, everything’s fine. Just a quick question about his legs.” “…” “So how many legs did he have?”

Someone called me racist for saying “black paint” Apparently the politically correct term is “Tyrone, please paint the fence”.

Have you heard the one about the agnostic with dyslexia and insomnia? He tossed and turned all night wondering if there was a dog

The President of the United States, the Prime Minister of England, and the King of Thailand walk into a bar in Bangkok and the bartender says “May I get you and your guests drinks, Your Majesty?”

Why is the sand so quiet? Because the waves keep going “shhhhhh”.

When children ask me where rain comes from, I pat their heads, shimmy up the nearest flag pole, and urinate on them.