I’m uncomfortable sharing my feelings with you but completely comfortable standing next to a complete stranger while urinating. Guys.

What’s Trump’s favorite Pink Floyd album? The Wall. Huehuehue

My favourite mythical creature is the happy woman in the tampon adverts

What’s the roughest part about being a 7-year-old in Liberia? The mid-life crisis.

Inventor of raisins: “What do you like about grapes” me: the juice part, the freshness Inventor: right but what if they had neither

I’m so out of shape Internet Explorer could probably run faster than me

Why did the penis. . . Why did the penis stop going to the speakeasy? He was sick of ragtime.

Why are vacuum cleaners made by gays the best? Because they really suck.

Why do engineers work out a lot? They’re obsessed with rigid bodies!

Lebron James is going to be in Space Jam 2 It’s going to be really weird when Lebron quits the Tune Squad and joins up with the Monstars midway through the movie