Why do black people only have nightmares? Because the last one that had a dream got assassinated

What do you call a bra that tightens the more you try to take it off? A booby trap!

Why did Tiger Woods get divorced? Because Tiger was a lion cheetah!

If a mute kid swears does his mother wash his hands with soap?

My favorite book as a child was… …’I Fell Off Mt Everest’ by Eileen Dover.

I just read a bumper sticker that said, “Honk if you love Jesus. Text while driving if you love Satan.” Sent from iPhone.

Everyone on twitter is single, pretending to be single, or about to be single

Recipe for homemade charcoal: 1. Put dinner in the oven. 2. Sit down to check one quick thing on the internet…

If you were forced at gunpoint to either watch ’50 Shades Of Grey’ or read the book, what type of gun would you prefer to be shot dead with?

You know you’re getting old when you fall down and wonder what else you can do while you’re down there.