Why George RR Martin doesn’t utilize suicide bombers in GoT? Because he does not have enough virgins left in the story

Why didn’t the skeleton make a good lawyer? All his work was pro bono.

What’s the difference between light beer and having sex in a boat? Nothing. They’re both fucking near water.

When my wife asks me why I’m always late home from work I tell her I was getting some In-N-Out. She hasn’t figured out why I’m still hungry when I get home.

Apparently one in three people cheat. I wonder if it’s my wife or my girlfriend.

I’ll never forget the last thing my grandpa told me before he kicked the bucket. He said “Watch how far I can kick this bucket!”

How big was osama bin Laden’s hard drive? One terrorbyte.

What do you call a crocodile who always lies? A croc o’ shit.

Nephew: Really?! Me: Yup! Go for it! N: *runs into wall* Me: *takes pic* N: *wakes up* Am I at Hogwarts? Me: No, we’ll try again later.

What did the donut say to the cop? Don’t taste me, bro !