I stepped on a grape once. It didn’t scream, but it did let out a little whine.

Have you heard that story about that man who gets surprised a lot? It was a tale of WOAH!

Jokes about menstruation are not funny. Period.

Why do they call dogs K-9? Because K-10 are for pussies.

There’s a doctor who goes around my neighbourhood handing out body parts… …he gives me the willies.

The divorce rate among my socks is astonishing

A guy goes to the bar. The bouncer asks if the guy is driving. The guy responds, “No I’m standing”.

In an elevator with my geology professor and my ex-geology professor. Can you say ROCKward?

Your mom is like a vacuum cleaner. She sucks balls and then gets laid in the closet.

I WISH I WAS DUMBER SO I DIDNT REALIZE THE SUBTLE HORRORS OF THE UNIVERSE