When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, that’s LUNAR ASSAULT and it’s not funny.

How man nihilists does it take to change a light bulb? It doesn’t matter.

Why did Saul want to kill Christians? Because he was Saulty. I’ll^show^^myself^^^out…

My business card is just a moist slice of cantaloupe.

I’m going to dress up as laundry next Halloween bitches love doing laundry.

Cops are like women. Can’t live with them, can’t live without them. And they’re a bunch of pussies.

What’s the difference between a sadist and a math teacher Nothing

YANKEE DOODLE: *sticks feather in his cap* This is called macaroni YANKEE DOODLE’S FRIEND: Ok, cool. Listen man, everybody’s worried about u

I bet there would be a lot more wars if there weren’t boobs. I haven’t seen a boob in 2 days and I’m ready to kill someone.

what do hookers and guns have in common? the customer wants the most bang for their buck.