Girl in the locker room put her pants on the floor and tried to hop into them. I was going to call her awesomepants, but coma girl works too

Drunk Guy Guy: Dude I Wasn’t That Drunk, Friend:Dude U Were WAtching TV And Laugh, Guy: Sooo -_-, Friend : The TV Wasn’t On

What’s long, dark, hard and grotesque but very satisfying to beat? Bloodborne

What’s the hardest thing on a cowboy? The 4th grade.

“Hell, yes.” …the devil answered the phone.

My wife says I snore really bad, so I stayed awake all night to see if she if she was right. Turns out she’s a liar, I didn’t snore once.

TIL Abortion doctors are also called spawn campers

Pi-ku Math is fun When Mixed with some pie

What do you call a Canadian singer eating French mustard on the roof? Ceiling Dijon.

Two scientists walk into a bar. One asks for H2O, and the other asks for H2O too. They both die because the bar was in Flint, Michigan