After nearly three months of trying… …my wife just told me that she’s pregnant!! She has the worst stutter ever!

Coming out of the closet would be a lot easier… if my wardrobe wasn’t so fabulous!

Just left a note on the ex’s car saying “I STILL LOVE YOU” hope it doesn’t go unnoticed. I keyed it in pretty deep.

What do you call a kind rock Gneiss

Have you heard about the drought in Yemen? The UN is giving out a lot of Yemen aid.

There’s a new app that tells you which of your friends are racist. It’s called Facebook.

“And why did you join our gym?” to stay healthy a friend recommended it I’ve seen myself naked

How are Harambe and the iPhone the same? it only took one extra hole to kill them both

Miami football Heh heh heh.

I never get tired of my old Tweets getting RT’d so I know musicians never get tired of hearing their songs being played on the radio.