My girlfriend is in the hospital after she ate a giant bacon cheese burger. It was mine.

What do you call 88 rednecks in an orgy? A family reunion.

What do you call a Mexican on a bridge? Spic and span

Why did the.. Why did the chicken cross the road? To get to the other side

You can pick your friends, and you can pick your nose but you might not be able to do either if your hands are severely disfigured.

How many people from Brazil does it take to screw in a lightbulb? A Brazilian!

I finally talked to my crush today I told her that she smells different when she’s awake

My mum fed me yeast and put me in the oven. Just how I was raised.

I own far too many “….For Dummies” books to have healthy self esteem.

I can’t believe that… after all the times my girlfriend called me “daddy”, she still didn’t get me anything for Father’s Day.