I had the best ice cube It’s like it could melt in my mouth

What was the bear protesting? his right to human arms

What do you call a girl without boobs? **Justin Bieber**

What does spinach and buttsex have in common ? No matter how it’s done, kids don’t like it

Her: Welcome to McDonalds sir, may I take your order? Me: *hands her a shovel with mouth agape* ALL. THE. FRIES.

Her: Dude, back off. You’re totally scaring away all the hot guys checking me out at the gym. Me: You do realize I’m your boyfriend right?

Why couldn’t the lumberjack sign into Facebook? Because he was logged out!

Why does Paris have tree lined streets? Because the German army likes to march in the shade.

My work out class has a cancellation policy of $15 if you cancel too late. Which means I just spent $15 NOT to work out. I am my own hero.

Why could Darren jump higher than Zeus? because he was mortall.