It’s so hot I just saw two trees fighting over a dog.

I’m white. But I’m not NASCAR fan white.

A blind guy walks into a bar… Then a table, a chair…

I wouldn’t want to fly Virgin. Who’d want to fly an airline that doesn’t go all the way?

I used to go to Weight Watchers to meet women. There were tons of girls there, just not very many.

What is green and smells like red paint? Green paint. Haha

Plastic silverware: because the only thing I hate more than poisoning the environment is washing dishes.

What was Princess Diana’s favorite thing about the Xbox 360? The dashboard.

What is the definition of trust? Two cannibals going down on one another

What disease do terrible parkers have? parkin’sins