My girlfriend said she’s fed up of me pretending im a detective, and we should split up… I told her that’s a great idea, we can cover more ground that way.

A Jewish kid asks his Jewish Dad for 50$… His dad says “40$? What do you need 20$ for?”

Now that food has replaced sex in my life, I can’t even get into my own pants.

What do you say to a black guy after washing his dog? Yo dawg I washed yo dog.

Apparently, 4.665642(1) out of 7.4 people overcomplicate things.

How many X does it take to change a light bulb? N! One to change the light bulb, and n-1 to display stereotypical behavioral traits of X!

Apparently, Cesar Milan, the Dog Whisperer is divorced. I guess she was the only bitch he couldn’t train.

Q: Why don’t Deputy Fire Marshals look out the window in the morning? A: So they have something to do in the afternoon.

What do you call a group of squid? A squad

Why do teenage girls not like filing papers? They just don’t believe in labels.