I really hate it when my gay friends joke about docking… It really gets under my skin.

The Dirty Dancing lift, except I’m throwing her off a cliff.

My last days. If I ever end up on life support unplug me. Then plug me back in again and see if that works. REBOOT me baby!

Why should the lower 48 states be the lower 46? Because Washington and Colorado aren’t low, they’re quite high!

What steps do you take if you encounter a bear in the wild? Fucking big ones!

How many “suh dude”s does it take to screw in a lightbulb? None. It’s already lit fam

How does every black joke start? By looking over your shoulder!

I don’t understand why women love singing “Let it go”… …Since most of them keep grudges for life.

Deactivating your Facebook account is the new black friend.

Confucious he say… Man who walk before car gets tired, man who walk behind car gets exhausted