It is a good thing butt cracks are vertical… If they were horizontal, we would hear clapping every time someone used the stairs.

Why do chicken coops only have two doors? If they had 4 doors they’d be chicken sedans.

No punchline needed. Did you hear Micheal J Fox got a new job working as James Bond bartender…..

And on the 7th day God rested, but the children did not rest. So on Monday God made school and He sent the kids and all the people rejoiced.

4: I’M GONNA RIP YOUR EYEBALLS OUT Me: Stop yelling violent things 4: *whispers* I’m gonna rip your eyeballs out

Why is the Mississippi so wide? Because Mr. Sippi is hung like a horse.

What’s the most popular website in Illinois? Cornhub.com

JUDGE: put ur hand on this book and promise not to lie PERSON WHO IS IN COURT LITERALY FOR LYING ABOUT THINGS: uh…… ok

What’s the difference between men and women when watching video? The phrase “I went through a whole box of tissues watching that film.” usually has a completely different meaning.

There’s an omelet in the fridge. I want it. However, I can’t have it… It’s eggspired.