A combo of two classics. Why did the chicken cross the road? To go to your house. ……………… Knock knock. (Who’s there?) The chicken!

A man walks into a bar sits down and orders a drink. He asks the bartender “are you into incest?” the bartender pours him his drink and says “relatively.”

What does a frog do when it barbecues? Rib it…duh!

What genius named it a “news feed” on Facebook and not “bullshit”?!

I wonder how many identical twins are walking around now with the wrong names because their parents got them confused as infants and never figured it out.

Luke, I am your uncle. Luke, I am your third cousin. Luke, I am your grandmother. – Skywalker family reunion

Just learned the Finnish have a word “Kalsarikannit” which means getting drunk alone at home in underwear. Signing immigration forms now.

I dropped my bowl of SpaghettiOs and it spelled ‘oooooooo’ on the floor. Spooky

That awkward moment when I’m really drunk and you’re still ugly.

“The captain of the Titanic just checked into an iceberg on Foursquare with 2,224 other people.” – Twitter, 1912