What did Jay-Z call Beyonce before they were married? Fiancee

What do you call bagels that can fly? “Plane” Bagels!… I’ll show myself out…

Hey, I’m a girl. I ignore nice guys, chase douche bags, and then complain about it

My wife was complaining that nobody ever phoned her, so I put a “How’s my driving?” sticker on her car. Her phone hasn’t stopped ringing since.

Always remember that you’re someone’s reason to smile.. Because you are a joke.

(NSFW) Jokes

What do you call a black man that flies a plane? A pilot you fucking racist.

He said he would call me at 5pm but didn’t until 5.03pm. His lies will tear our relationship apart

Why wasn’t the Canadian scared at the movie theater? He knew Nunavut was real.

Men shouldn’t feel bad if they only last 8 minutes doing it doggy style… Because that’s almost an hour in dog time…