Three logicians walk into a bar The bartender asks: “Do you all want a drink?” The first logician says: “I don’t know.” The second logician says: “I don’t know.” The third logician says: “Yes.”

Why Can’t you compare Donald Trump to cancer? Because sometimes, you can get rid of cancer.

Some people don’t realize how grateful they should be that I’m not allowed to carry a sword in public.

Wishy-washy sounds like someone that’s optimistically clean.

I’m like the lemon seed that sinks to the bottom of your water glass and then shoots up your straw unexpectedly, trying to choke you.

Chin up divorced people; lots of us smug married parents envy your 50/50 custody agreement.

i like to say “so long” in an asian accent is that so wrong?

You gotta hand it to blind prostitutes Literally

What did one white cop say to another white cop? Another black man bites the dust.

I’m going to sit here and wink at you. It’s going to be a very long wink. With both eyes. Please, by all means, go on with your story.