Why did Kim Jong-il die a week before December 25th? Because Rudolph is the only deer leader at Christmas.

Traditional marriage was between a boy’s parents and a girl’s parents. And maybe some cattle.

I like to shit with the door open, because it keeps other people from getting onto the elevator with me.

What would happen if pigs went on strike? They’d form pigget lines.

What is the difference between a lentil and a chickpea? I wouldn’t pay 200 to have a lentil on my face.

Ke$ha is what all drunk white girls look like to drunk black dudes.

Number one handheld A recent survey indicated that smartphone is the number 1 handheld device.. Penis has slipped to number 2..

“How many volunteers do we have for the army?” “384 sir” “okay round them up” “400 sir”

*knock knock* “Are you a Jehovah’s Witness”?

As a pot smoking narcissist, my life is all smoke and mirrors