People have often asked the United States, What is your secret weapon against terrorists? We simply reply……Chuck Norris

“If you break up with me, I will beach myself.” -dramatic whale

Why did the teacher decide to become an electrician? To get a bit of light relief.

Doctor: “I’m sorry, sir, but you have an STD. I suggest you make a list of all your partners–” Lou Bega: “Way ahead of you.”

Can you name all of Santa’s reindeer? No, they already have names.

I just stepped on a cornflake. Now, I am officially a cereal killer.

I have kleptomania. But when it gets bad, I take something for it.

I will always remember the last thing my Grandpa said to me before he kicked the bucket… He said- “How far do you think I can kick this bucket”?

How do you get an emo out of a tree? Cut the rope.

I’m so damn tired. I haven’t slept since last year.