2 lepers playing poker… 1 throws his hand in, the other laughs his head off.

Why did the hippie drowned in the ocean? Because he was too far out. Ba dum bum tissss

So my boyfriend and I broke up, but I made a Sim family about us.. I just realized I have to kill every member of that family

Sicilian saying “When you wake up with four balls, your enemy is behind you.”

My parachute didn’t deploy At least I have the rest of my life to fix it.

I hate those people who knock on your door… And tell you that you need to be saved or you’ll burn… Stupid firemen.

Why is lettuce the most loving vegetable? Because it’s all heart.

How Does Moses Make His Tea? Hebrews it

Hurricanes are loud, costly and sometimes fatal forces of nature That’s why the WMO name them after their wives

Why do gay barbecues suck? Because the hotdogs taste like shit.