What are the three worst words to hear while having sex? Honey, I’m home!

I bet if you punched Pamela Anderson in the boob it would leave an impression like those Temperpedic beds.

A man walks into a bar… and asks for chicken tendies.

When people ask me about my hobbies, I tell them I’m into birdwatching, photography and meeting new people. It sounds better than stalking.

Son, do we have any dopted? Son: What is a dopted? Dad: You are! Son: Ha ha funny one dad.(Sarcastically) Dad: I’m not your dad!

What part of the body does a woman never move while dancing Her bowels

It’s black, and when it falls out of a tree your piano breaks. Your piano.

20’s: I can’t remember where I left my keys 30’s: I can’t remember where I left my car 40’s: I can’t remember where I left my kids

The most common type of web developers are not even human they are spiders

If you think it’s hilarious that George Bush is getting a library, wait till you hear he was our PRESIDENT for EIGHT YEARS.