I can’t even imagine what people did at red lights before cellphones.

There’s a gang going through our town, systematically shoplifting clothes in size order … The police believe they’re still at large.

What are the worst six years in a blonde’s life? Third Grade!

Have you heard about the new IPhone 6? I guess it’s got people all bent out of shape.

I asked a Jewish girl her number She said she didn’t have one, but could give me her grandfather’s.

Why did Hitler commit suicide? Because he got the gas bill.

The best joke of all… …is the number of this sub’s subscribers

(NSFW) I might have a needle dick. But I fuck like a sewing machine.

The clock is ticking… 9:09 9:10 George Bush 9:12

A penguin walks into a bar… He goes up to the barman and says, “Have you seen my father in here today?” The barman says, “I don’t know, what does he look like?”