the Bible says “If a man is to lay with another man he should be stoned.” in my experience it helps

What do you call a Muslim who is notoriously late for everything? 9/12

Where does the king keep his armies? In his sleevies.

It just occurred to me that you could substitute Miranda rights for wedding vows. Verbatim

If at first you don’t succeed try try a gun

Happy (Belated) Birthday To Everyone

Why did Sally fall off the swing? Someone threw a fridge at her.

Why are paraplegics bad project teammates? They never carry their own weight.

GOOD COP: tell us where ur boss is hiding and we’ll let u go BIKE COP: [clenches fist] we woulda caught him if he hadnt climbed those stairs

How is a vagina like a cigarette? The closer you get to the butt the stronger the taste.