What do you call a robotic prostitution ring? Nuts and bolts.

How many Freudian Analysts does it take to screw in a lightbulb? 2. One to screw it in and the other to hold the penis—ladder!! I meant ladder…

Beating your wife isn’t a joke It’s a punchline.

[during sex] Can you please take your Fitbit off.

What do Latin American people call an American sex tourist who comes to fuck cheap gay prostitutes their country? A maricon

Things that don’t kill bees: 1. Furniture polish 2. Febreeze 3. Butter 4. Screaming

Okay, raise your hand if you put raisins in your oatmeal cookies. Great. Now, make a fist with that hand & punch yourself in the face.

The only “b” word you should call a girl is beautiful. Bitches love to be called beautiful.

Man from Nantucket There once was a man from Nantucket Was writing a Limerick but said, “Fuck it.”

BRUCE LEE: Be formless, shapeless, like water. HARPER LEE: Things are never as bad as they seem. PARSLEY: I am a stalk vegetable.