I don’t know the lyrics to any of Pitbull’s songs, but in my defense, I’m not really convinced he does either.

“How about if I put a balloon over it? Would you touch it then?” -guy who invented condoms

The best way to stop uninvited guests from stopping by your home is to always answer the door naked.

Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall. Humpty Dumpty had a great fall. He died.

“Never Have I Ever” is a party game and fun way to find out who shouldn’t be donating blood.

I want to order rabbit at a fancy restaurant and then complain there is a hare in my food.

What’s the technical term for a female-to-male sex change operation? A strapadictomy.

I could have sworn I saw fig flavored altoids the other day.. must have been a figment of my imagination.

A poem for Valentine’s day Roses are red Poppies are red The grass is red Oh no my yard is on fire

Honey, the broken condoms are on the couch again. I thought we were calling the kids by their names now dear.