When you’re talking about everything and nothing Your talking two extreme.

What has 5 eyes? invisibility

Why did the Giraffe lay down in the tall grass? Because it had Leukemia.

I wondered why everyone said I had “bed hair”, until I looked in the mirror and noticed a tiny mattress on top of my head.

I’m one of those people that no one warned you about.

Two old drunks I was sitting in a bar with my friend and I noticed two old drunks across the bar from us. I laughed and said, “That’s us in ten years.” My friend replied, “That’s a mirror, dipshit.”

My dishwasher makes this loud rumbling sound… Strange thing is, it only seems to happen at night, when she’s sleeping.

Research shows vacuum cleaners can cause hearing loss. “You should absolutely get rid of that monster,” said one furry, panting scientist.

Where would you put an injured insect ? In an antbulance !

My wife completely ignores me when she watches Grey’s Anatomy……so I ordered the first 5 seasons.