I will never be okay with how Michael is spelled.

I’ve never gotten along with tall people We just never see eye to eye.

Relationships are like algebra You always look at your x and try to figure out y.

It’s rather pathetic that the only thing that consistently works on my car is the Check Engine light.

I tried pot brownies for the first time yesterday They tasted funny, since you usually cook brownies in a pan instead of a pot.

Pope Innocent is an oxymoron

My hus thinks I’m getting up early tomorrow to go to the gym to get all sweaty. But what he doesn’t know is that my “gym” is spelled “Jim.”

What’s the difference between an oyster shucker with epilepsy and a prostitute with diarrhea? One shucks between fits and the other fucks between shits.

I have a love/hate relationship with mood swings.

Knock Knock Who’s there ! Bull ! Bull who ? Bull the chain when your done !